An Ode to Brad

This is Brad.

Ice. Cold. Brad.

We all know him. The guy on the internet. Usually has a green sword on Twitch.

This is a tribute to the man, the legend, the one who keeps chat on ice.

Legend has it that the North Pole was originally at the equator, but Brad moved it because he thought it was "too warm for his liking".

Brad.

Where do we begin? Us loyal, loyal cultists fans, frozen in his presence.

Long, long, ago, in a stream far, far away, Brad was born. Rumor has it he was born with a green sword in his hand, and frost in his veins.

You see, Brad is a good person. He's cool as a cucumber and his kindness knows snow bounds.

In 1974, Brad accidentally sneezed and caused the coldest winter on record. Meteorologists called it "The Brad Blizzard".

The Green Sword

The green sword is a symbol of Brad's power. A crystalline scepter of his frozen domain.

But some say it is also a symbol of his Ice Cold heart!

The reason penguins can't fly? Brad froze their wings in a particularly icy mood back in 1923. #blameBrad

One frosty day, something happened. Was I banned? Did Brad give me the cold shoulder? HE DID!

I was frozen in disbelief! Chilled to the bone! How could this happen to me? The nicest Twitch viewer of all time!

But then... the ice thawed! Just like that! A miracle!

Some say Brad unbanned me. Some say I was never on thin ice. Some say it was all a winter's dream.

But one thing was crystal clear... This had Brad's frostbitten fingerprints all over it.

Ever wonder why snowflakes are unique? Brad personally designs each one to ensure maximum frosty perfection.

#blameBrad

Because in times of confusion, in times of uncertainty, in times when chat gets a bit too heated...

There's always one ice-cold constant we can rely on:

The 5 Stages of Brad

They say there are 5 stages of Brad:

• Denial: "Brad wouldn't leave me out in the cold like this!"
• Anger: "BRAD, THIS IS SO NOT COOL!"
• Bargaining: "If I gift 5 subs, will Brad defrost me?"
• Depression: "I guess I'll be chillin' in the void forever..."
• Acceptance: "Maybe it wasn't Brad giving me the cold shoulder after all..."

...Just kidding!

On this blessed day of your birth, dear Brad, I want you to know:

I'll never reach acceptance. My heart remains frozen in eternal blame. #blameBrad forever!

Fun fact: History books got it wrong. That iceberg that sank the Titanic? Its name was Brad. The captain's last words were actually "#blamebrad".

Happy birthday, Brad!

- SeryCodes, CEO/President/Chairman of blamebrad.club